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I am sorry. Sorry for where you’ve been and where you’re going. Sorry for the pain you’ve come to know as comfort due to its continuity. For the people who drove you halfway to this place, loving you far less than you deserved. For the part of you who then took the wheel, believing their inability to see your worth meant it didn’t exist. These souls were just as lost as you, but you can’t know that now. Even if you did, it wouldn’t help. For you are here, and there is no choice but to tunnel toward True North.
Put your worldly compass away. That gold and glass will only spin, shake and shatter as you journey on. Heed not the magnets of what has been your world. Gravity, like everything else, abandons you in the beyond. You are no longer tethered; to others, the earth, your suffering, history or future. This will terrify you. But you’ll come to know you never needed the trussing. It was all a lie, determined to keep you confined and controllable.
If I could, I’d give you my map; worn and weary from use and tears. But following me would not serve you, as each of us is carving new terrain.
FOLLOW THE LIGHT.
When you discover the deeper shadows awaiting you, you’ll think me crazy. Have faith. It is there, everywhere - craving connection, dancing to be seen in the dark. It will seem insignificant at first. A smidge of sensation, a tiny spark beneath your heel as you step. It will disorient. You’ll feel raw and frustrated, walk in circles, like a pacing hound of hell at day’s end. You’ll double back in the search of it, falling smack dab into another pit instead. You'll want to shame yourself for this. Don’t.